Archive for the ‘Absurdisms’ category

Mr Deity and the Unique Gift

August 20, 2009

The Wizard of Oz Adjusted To Reality

August 5, 2009

10 Things I Hate About Commandments

August 2, 2009

7 Year Old Skips Church, by Taking Car

July 30, 2009

This kid’s got the right idea.

“A 7-year-old boy led officers on a car chase Sunday through Weber County in an attempt to avoid going to church, authorities say.”

He gets demerits for the execution, though.

“Dispatchers received reports of a child driving a vehicle recklessly near 4100 West and 1975 North around 9 a.m.

The motorist who called in the complaint followed the child and witnessed the boy drive through a stop sign at 4700 West, Anderson said.

Two deputies caught up with the boy a few blocks away and attempted to stop the car, but the child kept driving, Anderson said.”

Hey, I don’t really blame him. Not only was it church, it was church in Utah! But seriously folks, there’s a lot better ways to learn about religion than going to church. Like any other way.

The Pope Practices “Naturalistic” Medicine

July 23, 2009

This is truly disturbing. Last week, the Pope endorsed a pagan religion, and the lord duly punished him for it by breaking his arm. Now, instead of learning his lesson and trusting in God to heal his sick ways, he is turning to “naturalist” medicine for a “quick and easy” cure.

“Benedict XVI trusts the doctors who operated on his wrist Friday after a fall Thursday evening at his vacation chalet in northern Italy caused a fracture.”

These naturalist quacks may be minimizing this punishment from God by calling it a “fracture” but, until the Pope realizes the error of his ways and accepts Christ as the only healer he will never get better.

I long for the days of a Pope you could trust, like Pope Urban II. Now that was a pope.

That Mitchell and Webb Look: Proof of No God

July 21, 2009

Mr Deity and the Scripts

July 20, 2009

Layout of Noah’s Ark

July 18, 2009

I found this hilariously bad blueprint for Noah’s ark in a book called The Compact Timeline of the Bible.

See, this is why idjits believe that the biblical flood story is real. Because some people people feel perfectly fine about making shit like this up. The Noah myth in the bible is told in Genesis 6:5 to 9:29. The description of the ark (what little there is of it) is in chapter 6 verses 14 to 16.

Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt thou make in the ark, and shalt pitch it within and without with pitch.

And this is how thou shalt make it: the length of the ark three hundred cubits, the breadth of it fifty cubits, and the height of it thirty cubits.

A light shalt thou make to the ark, and to a cubit shalt thou finish it upward; and the door of the ark shalt thou set in the side thereof; with lower, second, and third stories shalt thou make it.

Notice, it doesn’t say shit about putting the “bald eagles and the eared owls” in one room and “eagles, various species” in another? And, what kind of an idiot puts the bedrooms across from all those fucking birds? They wouldn’t get a minute of sleep.

Other ships with this great length, have water ballast to keep them from tipping. Apparently, there was no such need in the ark.

Other ships of this great length have water ballast to keep them from tipping over. Apparently, there was no such need in the ark.

  • Apparently, they have all kinds of  extra space for 3 empty store rooms as well as rooms set aside for the mechanical and agricultural tools they’ll need when they land. It looks like the options of either pillaging tools from the piles of water logged corpses or just making new ones were off the table.
  • They had a room full of “metal” and “minerals”. What the hell were these for? Did they not want to use the wet minerals once they land?
  • The bedrooms are the same size as the room marked “Bears”.
  • There is a gigantic room for pigeons, yet all boars and pigs are crammed together in one room.
  • Indian dogs, Maltese, purebreeds (sic), Greyhounds, and Retrievers all have their own rooms but all varieties of “panthers” have one. Seem like Noah favored dogs?
  • Did they really need twice as many mongooses as they did squirrels?

Vatican Falls Under Spell of Harry Potter

July 14, 2009

The evil sorcerer Harry Potter has finally mesmerized the normally calm minds of the Vatican and tricked them into endorsing their child friendly Satanism.

“It took a while, but the Vatican has finally come around to giving Harry Potter its blessing.

The Vatican newspaper gave a favourable review to the latest film, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince after giving the lead character a decisive thumbs down in the past.”

Sick. Why doesn’t he just start playing guitar in a rock band? This disgusting endorsement is a far cry from the Pope’s usual sensible self.

“Earlier this year, the pope caused an uproar in the Austrian Church when he tried to promote a priest who had said the Harry Potter stories smacked of “Satanism” and that Hurricane Katrina was God’s punishment for sin in New Orleans.”

Now that’s the Pope we know and trust. One that wouldn’t let himself be beguiled by the Devil’s minions. Let’s hope the grand Poo-Ba comes to his senses before he endorses Guitar Hero: Devil Rock.

Evil Pope

Why Don’t Bees Go To Heaven

July 11, 2009

Why? Because it was man that created God.


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