Archive for December 26, 2008

Can’t Phone It In Anymore, Says Pope

December 26, 2008

In the Coptic Church, people started phoning in confessions about 5 years ago. Well, that practice is all done with now. The Pope (The Coptic one of course, one of the ones that doesn’t get any respect-there are currently three popes) has put the cabash on the practice. Why? Is it because it’s not very personal? It it because it ruins the humanity of the church? Nope. It’s because intelligence agents might be listening in. That’s right, the Pope thinks the man is tapping his phones. And don’t get any ideas, confessions over the internet will no longer accepted either.

With rules like this, people are going to have to start actually going to church.

Monks have also been banned from using cell phones. Seesh, what good is a life of solitude if you can’t text your buds in the middle of prayer service.

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The Agnostic Christmas

December 26, 2008

AGAIN we celebrate the victory of Light over Darkness, of the God of day over the hosts of night. Again Samson is victorious over Delilah, and Hercules triumphs once more over Omphale. In the embrace of Isis, Osiris rises from the dead, and the scowling Typhon is defeated once more. Again Apollo, with unerring aim, with his arrow from the quiver of light, destroys the serpent of shadow. This is the festival of Thor, of Baldur and of Prometheus. Again Buddha by a miracle escapes from the tyrant of Madura, Zoroaster foils the King, Bacchus laughs at the rage of Cadmus, and Chrishna eludes the tyrant.

This is the festival of the sun-god, and as such let its observance be universal.

This is the great day of the first religion, the mother of all religions — the worship of the sun.

Sun worship is not only the first, but the most natural and most reasonable of all. And not only the most natural and the most reasonable, but by far the most poetic, the most beautiful.

The sun is the god of benefits, of growth, of life, of warmth, of happiness, of joy. The sun is the all-seeing, the all-pitying, the all-loving.

This bright God knew no hatred, no malice, never sought for revenge.

All evil qualities were in the breast of the God of darkness, of shadow, of night. And so I say again, this is the festival of Light. This is the anniversary of the triumph of the Sun over the hosts of Darkness.

Let us all hope for the triumph of Light — of Right and Reason — for the victory of Fact over Falsehood, of Science over Superstition.

And so hoping, let us celebrate the venerable festival of the Sun.

Robert Green Ingersoll – “The Agnostic Christmas” (1892)