The Vatican’s Double Secret Confession

Get outta here!

Get outta here!

Turns out the Vatican has an Double Secret Confession known as the “tribunal of conscience”. The Vatican is calling attention to it now because

Today it seems as though the sense of sin has been

This tribunal handles the confessions of sins that are so grave that only the pope himself can grant absolution for them. Well, these sins sound pretty heinous. What on earth could they be? Murder? Fucking a cantaloupe?

Confessions of even the most heinous of crimes and sins – such as genocide or mass murder – are handled at the local level by priests and their bishops and are not heard by the tribunal.

Well, ok. So just a standard everyday priest can grant absolution for … genocide? Well, what sins are so great that the pope need to absolve, then?

Its work involves those sins that are reserved for the pope – considered so serious that a local priest or bishop is not qualified to grant absolution … These include defiling the Eucharist

Defiling the Eucharist? The cracker?

Stafford said this offense is occurring with more and more frequency, not just in satanic rites but by ordinary faithful who receive Communion and then remove the host from their mouths and spit it out or otherwise desecrate it.

I think they may be exaggerating a bit. What nice calm everyday Satanist would defile their ceremony by inserting a Christ Cracker into it?

Others include a priest breaking the seal of the confessional by revealing the nature of the sin and the person who sought penance

Revealing the nature of sin? Does that mean blabbing? Yeah, that’s not good. Not worse then genocide, but bad manners that’s for sure.

or a priest who has sex with someone and then offered forgiveness for the act.

Yeah, offering forgiveness if pretty lame. Paying for dinner would be more appropriate. Though, if you’re going to focus on the sex life of a priest …

These sins bring automatic excommunication from the church. Once absolution is granted, the excommunication is lifted

What? You get temporarily kicked out? Then immediately reinstated! The pope is harsh! What if the sin was pedophilic sex? Does the pope become an accessory by not reporting it? I’ll guess, going by the nature of this document, that yes, he does.

So, the “tribunal of conscience”: instead some local level charlatan waving his hands around and uttering ala-kazam, a big time charlatan waves his hands around and says ala-kazam. Sounds like more bull to me. Instead of the “tribunal of conscience”, I suggest they call it the tribunal of “what are you gonna do, I’m the fucking pope?!”

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