Pope Declares a “Fatwa” on Virgin Mary Sightings

Oooo, that breeze feels good.

Oooo, that breeze feels good.

Ok, the party’s over! No more phony stigmata! No more phony Virgin Mary sightings! No more sightings on your toast, no more sightings on the coast, no more sightings, says the Pope. The Pope is pissed off and is putting a stop to it! He is imposing a “Holy War” to determine once all which visions are “real” and which are “imaginary” of “demonic”. How, you ask?

When a claim of heavenly apparitions occurs, the local bishop will need to set up a commission of psychiatrists, psychologists, theologians and priests who will investigate the claims systematically.

In some cases exorcists will be used to determine if a credible apparition is ‘divine’ origin or ‘demonic’.

So, as it turns out, the Pope is the ultimate skeptic, doing our work for us.

a Vatican yearbook revealed that between 1905 and 1995 there were 295 reported apparitions, only 11 of which were recognized as genuine.

Ok, so maybe not a skeptic. But, from now on, when you see the Virgin Mary, you have to “really” see the Virgin Mary. Now only the really good, and apparelty “upper class”, visionaries will be allowed to participate in the fun.

As atheists, we’re told all the time that we’re just supposed to accept religious expericences on faith. But, now we’ve got the fucking Pope on our side, taking down delusional hippies one at a time!

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2 Comments on “Pope Declares a “Fatwa” on Virgin Mary Sightings”

  1. Eric Says:

    Fortunately Patty Hearst is making a few appearances in the Virgin’s absence.

    Patty Hearst appears on KFC billboard

    • Mmmm, I’m not seeing it. It looks like an older KFC billboard got layered over with a new one and you can still see the Colonel in the arrow. Maybe if I squint really hard….

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