On “The Flood”

gustave-dore-the_deluge

Thanks for killing us, oh merciful god. It's a great way to say "I Love You".

Noah’s Ark, the Great Deluge, is a fun little story about a god that didn’t want the terrible people he had made, so he decided to perform a 160th trimester abortion on everyone. The most intriguing aspect of the flood story, is the apolgetics of it. They get pretty creative.

The most common apologia I hear is the existence of other flood stories in other cultures. “True Believers” often say that they are evidence of the flood. Problem there is, the Bible specifically says that everyone else died. So, why would their be different stories? There wouldn’t be anyone from any other cultures there to record them. The Bible would have to be probed wrong in order to prove it right. It could be said that the descendants of Noah told the story, but if that was the case then they would be telling the same story from Noah’s perspective, not a different story from a different perspective.

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THE FLOOD would have taken place in around 2348 BC (according to archbishop Ussher). The Egyptians were in their 5th dynasty at this time, with pharaoh Unas on the throne. Hundreds of thousands of people inhabited the country before, during, and after 2400 BC with no interruption in their lives what so ever. Countless other cultures mysteriously stayed alive during the non-existent Deluge.

Noah and his three sons would have had to re-populate the entire planet in a pretty short period of time. That’s a lot of fucking. And a lot of inbreeding. All in the name of killing the unwanted people God considered a mistake.

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2 Comments on “On “The Flood””

  1. Sabio Says:

    Have you heard of the flooding of the Black Sea Deluge Theory area from the Mediterranean. That flooding may have fed all the flood mythologies floating around that area. But I think the theory is controversial — damn, I guess we’ll have to go back to the biblical model. (smile)


    • I’m not familiar with it. It’s pretty far back (5600BCE), so I don’t really think it would have left much of an impact on any civilizations. Jericho has continuously inhabited since 10,000 BCE, but it doesn’t look like that location would have been affected by a flooding of the Black Sea. Of course, in the Priestly version of the Flood story, the gates of heaven open up allowing water to flow into the snow globe that is the Earth. I don’t think any theory can get more controversial than that!


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