Iron Jesus

Warning: Hot to the touch!

Until this week, Mary Jo Coady had never given her iron a second thought. Then she saw a likeness of Jesus staring back from its not-quite stainless steel bottom.

Well,  it’s not that great of a Jesus. I’ve seen better. But, at least it’s not the “Virgin” Mary. Those get a little old.

She simply thought others of faith might want to see an image that surprised her, cheered her, and made her want to return to St. Lucy, her Catholic parish, after a difficult two years.

That hardly seems likely. It God wanted her to return to the Catholic Church, he would have put a Virgin Mary on the iron. Or a saint Who-its. He obviously wants her to switch to Pentecostalism. You can tell by how ecstatic the Jesus looks. He’s looks like he about to get up and dance.

“I think it’s how we interpret things. It’s more of a personal thing. God works in his or her own way,’’ said Keyes, who believes that God or saints might choose to appear “in person, as opposed to on a toaster, or a cinnamon roll or a Frito, or whatever. But then, God does what it wants.’’ A spokesman for the Archdiocese of Boston did not comment yesterday.

Don’t even need to comment on that bit. Hilarious. I do like how she refers to God as “it”, though.

Coady’s iron is otherwise unremarkable: manufactured for the Wal-Mart house brand, with a basic dial for fabric settings and a steam/dry switch.

Steam! But, that’s Satan’s work. That’s not Jesus at all, it’s … it’s … Rick Astley!

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3 Comments on “Iron Jesus”


  1. My guess is if she used less starch when she ironed jesus never would have made it onto her small appliance.

    I always wonder how these people know it’s Jesus and not Satan. I mean, no one knows what either of them look like, no descriptions exist, only the images painted by European aritists. And they used the european archtype of what they’d like Jesus to look like (strangely enough, usually a European goy…anything but a Jew… go figure).

    Naturally, these things always look like willy nelson to me. But then, happily, I’m not a deluded superstitious moronic theist.

  2. Victor Says:

    Looks a bit like the Mona Lisa to me.

  3. Ellie Says:

    Hi, Victor. I was about to say the same thing. I’m glad someone else sees it! 🙂


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