Being a member of any atheist organization opens you up to receiving all kinds of mind numbingly stupid email. They are too dumb not to post, so, I’ve created a new category called Kooky Korrespondence to put these in.
I was going to try to break this up into paragraphs to make it a bit easier to read (only Jack Kerouac can get away with stringing prose together into one continuous stream), but merely reading it was too irritating. So, the bad prose, the spelling errors, and the ignorance have been left in tact. Enjoy!
date Sun, Apr 5, 2009 at 9:09 AM
subject The Real Story About The Bible And Evolution
The following story is what I believe to be the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about the Bible and Evolution. In the beginning Godcreated the Heavens and the earth and all the animals upon the earth. Then he created a Garden of Eden in which he created man from the dust. And he called this man Adam. Then God saw that Adam was lonely so he put Adam to sleep and he took one of Adam’s ribs and he created a woman and he called this woman Eve.Now all God wanted was Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and the animals on the earth. Adam and Eve would never destroy the Garden of Eden and the animals would never destroy the earth. And that would have lasted forever. So when God created Adam and Eve they had no knowledge of evil. God only created them with goodness. God did not give them power to have sex and create. Because that would be evil and bad. God did not give Adam the power to have sex with his own flesh. God is a God of goodness not evil. They had no knowledge of kissing or sex. It was just Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and the animals on the earth.Now everyone thinks of Lucifer as the devil or satan from hell. Well there is no devil or satan from hell. That is a fairytale that has been handed down through generations. The real truth is that Lucifer was one of God’s angels. Lucifer rose up in evil against God and God drove him out of Heaven. And it was Lucifer who put the evil in the tree of knowledge of good and evil.That was Lucifer’s way of getting back at God for driving him out of Heaven. When God saw the evil he warned Adam and Eve not to eat from it or they would surely die. Then God went away and while he was gone Lucifer tried to get Eve to eat from the evil. She told Lucifer that God said that they would surely die. Then Lucifer lied and told her that they would not die and they would live forever. And that he would make them into Gods. What he was saying was that God created you now I will give you the power to create. So Eve did eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil and then she got Adam to eat from it. When they did their eyes were opened and they saw they were naked so they covered themselves up.Then they ran and hid from God. When God found them and he found out what they had done he condemed them both and drove them from the Garden of Eden never to return. God placed a guard at the entrance of the Garden of Eden and then he placed a flaming sword around the tree of life to protect it from Adam and Eve. Because once Adam and Eve had the knowledge of evil if they ate from the tree of life evil would last forever. Then he turned Lucifer into a snake to eat the dust of the other animals. Now when Adam and Eve were outside the Garden of Eden they had a choice. They could go with the goodness of God and not have sex and create and grow old and die or they could go with the evil and the power that Lucifer gave them and have sex and create. So they chose the evil and the power that Lucifer gave them. But when Adam had sex with Eve he was having sex with his own flesh.She was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. When Adam and Eve had sex and started creating they lied and said it was God’s way. But it wasn’t God’s way it was Lucifer’s way of worse than worse than incest. Now I am going to explain to you just how bad and evil that really was. If Adam came from the dust and Eve came from the dust there would be no incest. And what they created would be a true son and a true daughter. Now when the true son and daughter had sex to keep the population going that would be incest and they would create closer flesh. Now if Adam came from the dust and Eve came from the dust and they had sons and daughters and Adam had sex with his daughters and Eve had sex with her sons to keep the population going that would be worse than incest and they would create closer than closer flesh. Now the way it happened was Adam had sex with his own flesh because she was bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh. Now that would be worse than worse than incest and they would create closer than closer than closer flesh. Now we are still the same way because people still create birthdefects and deformaties. Here are just a few examples.The blind, deaf, handicapped, mentally retarded, shemales, morfadites, transvestites, midgets, giants, murderers, childmolestors and many more. So we are still the same now. We are all birthdefects because we all have the knowledge of evil. When you marry someone you are marrying someone who is 3 times closer than a true brother or sister. There is no such thing as a husband and wife. It’s all made up to cover up the incest. We are nothing but Adam’s flesh having sex with Adam’s flesh and what ever you create is Adam’s flesh. We are Lucifer’s world of worse than worse than incest. Lucifer gave Adam and Eve the power to create like God gave the animals the power to create. But Adam and Eve were not animals. With them it was incest and with the animals it was instinct. When the Bible saids be fruitfull and multiply he wasn’t talking about Adam and Eve he was talking about the animals. God designed nature so the animals would never destroy the earth. If man was not out here then nature would be the same way it was when God created it. Man only destroyes nature. The animals don’t. Now everyone believes that Jesus came from God. Well that’s not true. Jesus came from Mary having sex with a Roman soldier while Joseph was off fighting in a war. She lied to save her own life. Back then if a woman got pregnant and she wasn’t married they would stone her to death. So she lied and said that Jesus came from God. When Jesus grew up he found out the truth from the Priests who didn’t get married and have sex. Jesus was a 33 year old virgin who came out and found 12 other virgins and he told them the truth. Then he tried to tell everyone that in the eyes of God they were all brothers and sisters and and that they were committing incest by getting married and having sex. Jesus could not perform miracles but he saw people that were blind, deaf, handicapped and mentally retarded and he knew where they were coming from. He knew they were coming from incest. That was what caused them to be born the way they were. So that was what he told everyone. But the Christians, Jews and the Romans all got upset and rose up in evil and came and got him and brought him in and crucified him. Jesus went back to the dust just like everyone before him and after him. Just where God said, FROM DUST YOU CAME AND DUST YOU SHALL RETURN. Now long before Jesus was born the white people created what they believed to be birthdefects. They looked different from the whites. Everytime one was born the whites would cut the nerves in the tongue so they couldn’t speak. They would grow them up and use them as slaves. The reason they cut their tongues was because the whites were afraid these people might plan some kind of over throw. So as long as they could understand english they didn’t have to speak english. So after a while they had a work force of several thousand workers. So what happened was these people simply got tired of being slaves and they ran off around the world and started their own countries. When these people left there was a large group of men who took off and ended up in Africa. Some of these men went to Borneo and caught female Orangutans and sailed across to South America and had sex with the female Orangutans and created the Indian. And the men who stayed in Africa caught female Gorillas and had sex with them and created the Black man. When scientists found the bones they thought we came from a female Chimpanzee. But it wasn’t a natural evolution it was a man made evolution. That’s where Bigfoot, Sasquatch, Orangutan man, Yeti and the Skunk Ape comes from. They are half man and half Gorilla and half man and half Orangutan. They use to call the American Indian the red man. The Orangutan has reddish or orange hair. When those men bred out the hair the Indian’s skin remained red. The Gorilla has black hair and skin. When those men bred out the hair the Black man’s skin remained black. When scientists find drawings in caves they were put there by Bigfoot and the Orangutan man. Scientists are either finding freaks of nature or their making mistakes or their findings things and they just don’t know what they are. The giant cave bear is just a bear that was born and it got bigger than the rest. Just like Jumbo the elephant that weighed 12 ton. It was just an elephant that got bigger than the rest. Just like the giant 3 toed sloth. The white tiger is a freak of nature and the white buffalo is a freak of nature. The sabor toothed tiger was just a freak of nature. It was just a few tigers that had extra long teeth because they were born that way. The wooly mammoth was just a group of elephant that happened to wonder into the United States at the top of Africa when they were connected. They grew long hair to protect them against the cold. They adapted to their enviroment and that’s all. Just like the tiger in Siberia has longer hair than the tiger in India and Vietnam. When scientists found the skulls of what they call the Cromagnon man and the Neandertal man they called them the prehistoric caveman. One is larger than the other. They are nothing but a large man that mated with a Gorilla and a small man that mated with a Gorilla. Some of those men who went to Africa were 7 or 8 foot tall and taller. They just found the skulls of a creature that was created by a large man mating with a Gorilla and a small man that mated with a Gorilla. So the made up names and called them the prehistoric caveman. So we are worse than worse than incest and what ever you create is closer than closer than closer flesh. And the Blacks and Indians and the rest are worse than worse than beastiality and what they create is closer than closer than beastiality. The world will either be destroyed by nuclear war or over population. Just like Lucifer planned. Now the population of the world is 6.8 Billion people and experts say that by the year 2050 the world’s population will be 9.1 Billion people. That will be an increase of 2.3 Billion people in just 41 years.The population of the United States increased 11,000,000 people from 2003 to 2008. That means if 1,000,000 people committed suicide every year for the 5 years the population would still increase 6,000,000 people. If there’s poverty, starvation, global warming and a hole in the ozone layer now what do you think it’s going to be like in 4 or 5 hundred years? If people continue to over populate and the ozone layer disappears your future generations will be in one “HELL” of a disaster. It will be like a freight train going 200 miles an hour running into a steel wall 100 foot thick. There won’t be any survivors. So if you don’t want that to happen then I suggest that you stop creating and tell your children when they grow up not to create. Tell them if they get married they can always adopt. It won’t be sex that destroyes the world but it will be what you create through sex that will. If people don’t stop creating the world will either be destroyed by nuclear war or over population. Just like Lucifer planned. If Pope John Paul the 2nd could go 80 years without sex the least we can do is not create. I am 100% sure your future generations will appreciate not being created. If you don’t believe me then just go to any prison and ask them if they appreciate being created. If you do not stop your generations now then your generations will stop themselves the hard way.
Of course, religious wack-a-loons believing that it’s sinful to procreate is far from unique. It’s a basic tenet of the Quaker’s belief system (The One True Faith, don’t cha know). But, unlike this douche they weren’t racist bastards. This letter looks like poe to me, but it’s pretty hard to tell. Remember, the first (and only) rule of poe, it’s impossible to tell a parady of Christian beleif apart from real Christian belief.